Shame: A Poignant Look at Sex Addiction

Shame, the 2011 movie, is an accurate and poignant portrayal of the life of a sex addict. Brandon, Michael Fassbender, is a single man struggling with sex and porn addiction.

Trigger Warning: This post may contain descriptions or depictions of any or all of the following: self-harm, domestic violence, alcohol use, drug use, sexual abuse, addiction, pornography, or racism.

Brandon is preoccupied with sex in every sense. I see similar themes with my clients:

• Preoccupation
• Ritualistic behavior
• Voyeurism/exhibitionism
• Unhealthy coping skills
• Drug use
• Disregard for boundaries

Preoccupation: The Shame of Intrusive Thoughts

From the first scene, we are aware of how preoccupied Brandon is with sex.

The main character on the train, admiring a redheaded female passenger. She is reciprocating the glances and body language. She seems to be getting aroused and blushing from the nonverbal interaction.

Brandon looks felt predatory. This is indicative of the “conquest” or “hunt” motivation of the cycle of the sex addict.

She recoils at one point, seeming as if she feels a sense of guilt, shame, or discomfort. As she stands and grips the handhold, he sees her wedding ring.

Brandon’s hunting instinct leads him to follow her up the subway stairs until she’s out of sight. These actions show his disregard for her marriage and boundaries. His fixation on her is displayed in his compulsion to masturbate in the next scene.

The Silent Epidemic: Porn Addiction

In the next scene, Brandon is in a meeting at work, but clearly preoccupied.

He glances toward his desk and sees an IT guy collecting his computer tower. The guilty look on Brandon’s face conveys the disturbingly large amount of pornography he’s concerned about IT discovering.

Later in the film, his boss pulls him aside and tells him about the IT department’s discovery. Even though his boss expresses concern, the interaction leaves the viewer with a “boys will be boys” feeling.

The boss completely dismisses the inappropriateness of Brandon’s pornography usage at work.

A Lack of Meaningful Connection

Fast forward to Brandon, accompanied by boss and coworkers, at a bar.

His boss was commenting on nearby women in an objectifying manner.

Once at a table, he picks out a woman at the bar and makes the “college bet.” Brandon gives him the green light. Brandon eventually joins him and they subtly compete for her attention.

At the end of the night, Brandon puts his boss in a taxi and walks off down the street. The woman from the bar pulls over and asks him if he needs a ride.

A smash cut later and they are having sex in a dark alleyway. Afterwards, she drops him off at his apartment.

A common theme with Brandon is that he does not like to form deep, meaningful connections with people. Specifically with women, he seems distant.

Peering Over the Walls: Consequences of Addiction

Brandon’s first hint of romantic connection, is coworker, Marianne, played by Nicole Beharie.

They start talking at work and set up a date.

On his way to their restaurant rendezvous, he looks up at a building and sees two lovers through a window.

During the date, several awkward moments of silence are shared. Sexual tension is very high between them until they discuss marriage.

Marianne supports the concept of marriage and Brandon vociferously refutes it. He views it as a pointless waste of time. Whereas, Marianne believes in love; having a deep connection with an individual and spending the rest of her life with them.

Aside from the marriage debate, it seemed like they got along as they walk to the subway and part ways.

After the Date

In a following scene, Brandon asks Marianne whether she would like to leave work. She accepts and they get a hotel room.

Before they undress, he snorts cocaine. As their physical intimacy moves forward, Brandon is unable to obtain an erection.

Although cocaine can cause erectile dysfunction, excessive sex and pornography use can as well.

Beyond the drug and pornography use, another issue could be Marianne’s representation of commitment, connection, and security. These could preoccupy him and cause his erectile issues.

The latter is represented when Brandon calls an escort to the room and is able to have sex with her. He mimics the couple he saw the previous night, taking the escort against the window.

He reinforces his pattern of being able to have sex and orgasm with someone he shares no emotional or romantic connection with; a very transactional exchange.

Furthermore, Brandon’s fear of commitment is shown in his relationship with his sister, Sissy (Carey Mulligan). Brandon keeps his distance from her. He does not show brotherly affection towards her and seems to be apathetic.

There is a serious issue regarding meaningful relationships and connections with women. I ponder what his relationship with is mother was like.

Shame: Approaching the Bottom

From the inception of the “down spiral” scene, Brandon argues with Sissy about her sleeping with his boss. Brandon tells her his boss is married with children.

Brandon asks Sissy if she noticed the wedding ring on his finger. She says no and he calls her a liar. Sissy apologizes and he continues berating her and saying “actions matter, not words.”

Brandon’s hypocrisy drips thickly over the scene, as we recall the movie’s opening moments on the subway.

This argument is evocative of the actions of those in active addiction: apologizing for maladaptive behaviors but continuing them anyway.

As the argument continues, Brandon gets angrier and tells Sissy to find another place to live before he walks out. Brandon abandons Sissy out of frustration with himself and her. She reminds him a lot of himself and he struggles with confronting that.

On the other hand, Sissy comes off as codependent, but also seems to want a connection with Brandon.

After he tells her that he wants her out, she says that if she were to leave, she would never hear from him. Showing that he has had history of having her around, then pushing her away. Similar to the women that he sleeps with and they never hear from him again.

This yo-yo pattern of relationship is consistent with some past trauma that they both potentially have shared.

Welcome to Rock Bottom

In the following scene Brandon goes into a sexual downward spiral.

He flirts and makes lewd comments with a woman at a bar that is with her boyfriend. He fingers her at the bar and when the boyfriend approaches them, he flaunts the fact that he fingered her by placing his fingers by his nose.

When Brandon leaves, the boyfriend beats him up. This is another example of how he is apathetic and has a lack of respect for boundaries and people in general.

After the fight, Brandon tries to go into a club, but is denied entry by the doorman. However, he was followed by another man that was watching as he was rejected at the door.

The Spiral Quickens

This other man goes into another placed called Quo across the street and Brandon follows him in there. We see that it is some kind of Bathhouse with a lot of casual sex going on in the rooms.

Eventually, Brandon walks by a room, gets pulled in by the man that was following him and the man starts to give Brandon fellatio.

Then he moves onto an apartment where a woman answers. Smash cut to him having a threesome with the woman who answered the door and another woman.

During this scene, he seems to be in a whirlwind of lust and at some point in his facial expression, we can see that he is breaking down mentally.

The Fluidity and Confusion of Sexual Addiction

The scene in the Bathhouse leaves us unsure if Brandon identifies as bisexual or straight.

For some individuals struggling with sex addiction, it is about the sex not relationships. There is a phrase “gay for play,” which refers to a straight man engaging in homosexual activity without identifying as homosexual.

It is about the sexual behavior and not caring where it comes from. This also could also be considered a novelty sexual experience for Brandon, but we would need more information for that.

Back to the Downward Spiral

It seems as if he knows that his sexual behavior is a problem and it is desensitizing him for sex and feelings.

Contrary to what one would hope for, this pushes Brandon further into numbing what little feeling he has. He wants to be in a place where he isn’t responsible for anyone, not his sister or himself.

His facial expressions while having sex in this scene, reminds me of the face of Saturn in Francisco Goya’s “Saturn Devouring His Son” painting. Saturn has a look of fear, sadness, conflict, and anguish. Saturn has to devour/kill his son in order to stay in power.

Brandon must compulsively be sexual in order to function and cope with stress, and life itself.

Saturn and Brandon are both doing something that they don’t want to do, but have to. This is known as moral incongruence. My friend Dr. Jennifer Weeks covers this on her blog about Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder.

The Nightmare Reality of Shame

After his sexual binging, Brandon arrives home to find Sissy on the bathroom floor after a suicide attempt.

Brandon gets her to the hospital and she is stabilized, but this is the only time Sissy sees Brandon as a caring, attentive brother.

As he leaves the hospital and kneels in the rain, he seems distraught and almost as if he sees this as an inescapable cycle.

The shame crashes down on him. He was selfish. He left his sister to go on a sexual marathon and left her bleeding out in his bathroom.

Trapped in the cycle of his addiction, trapped taking care of his sister. Trapped in the struggle between feeling and not feeling.

In the final scene, back on the subway, Brandon notices the redheaded woman from the beginning of the film. This time, she is more open, receptive, relaxed and her hair is down, glancing at him again. She gets up and grabs the subway pole. He looks up and debates whether he should pursue the hunt or change his behaviors.